take a chance

don’t get me wrong, i’m not over boot cut jeans. i still think they’re a good choice for pretty much every guy, but some guys aren’t comfortable with a flared bottom, no matter how slight. one thing i’ve learned recently is if you can pull off a relatively close fitting pair of jeans (and not all of us can, it’s ok) that a slightly, i repeat slightly, tapered at the bottom can make you look even slimmer and taller. a boon for us short guys!

i’ve tried g-star’s radar narrow and love ‘em, but they’re tough to find for a good price. so i was browsing refinery 29 for some dressier clothes to show y’all and stumbled onto a sale on steve alan slim jeans. the shop says they’re “the sleekest, narrow cut that’s not too skinny.” so i’m hoping that our squat-enhanced asses fit into them, but i have never tried a pair on. that’s right, i’m recommending them sight unseen because they’re a good price, a good finish, and they look like a good cut. if you decide to bite the bullet and try these out, be sure to let us know how they work!

buy from refinery 29

nice pants

even when you want to look nice, you have the right to do it with a little flair. granted, you can do worse things than look nice, but geez dudes you don’t have to look bland while doing it. now you would think the gap is the last place you’d find anything other than bland clothing, and normally you’d be right. but for once the gap has created something a little bit sporty and a little bit dressy for the winter. here’s a pair of grey wool pants with cargo pockets. these aren’t really cargo pants – they fit like a good pair of trousers and even have normal trouser pockets. but down on your thighs, there are simple cargo pockets. nothin fancy and better yet nothing too much but just enough to take these trousers from boring to stylish. you know the gig here kids, nothin too formal. you aren’t gonna wear these and impress your most expensive client, but everyone you know will think you look pretty good – as long as you get them in a size that fits. and with a nice slim cut and about 100 sizes, that shouldn’t be tough.

buy from the gap

and, we’re back

i could tell you that i took a little break to travel round and find the hot trends and clothes for you guys but that would be a total lie. i took a friggin vacation, or a man-cation as they’re called these days as me and me bros got together to discuss babes, bikes, beer and a million other subjects that don’t start with the letter B.

You know what else starts with the letter B? backside! dudes, you’re gonna have to deal with the fact that if you are in a semblance of shape at all, your ass is your second greatest asset. (your first is probably your shoulders, ok?) so you have to, absolutely must buy jeans that fit. because seriously, when you buy jeans that are too big and then cinch ‘em in with a belt to hold em up, you look like you’re wearing a diaper under your pants. that is the epitome of not sexy, dudes. it’s not even ok if you have a big ass.

so here’s the deal. you do not have to buy skin tight jeans – buy em with a little room in your thighs, that’s cool. in fact, that’s good. but do not buy jeans that hang loose around your ass. you may have to look at different brands, or different sizes. but dear god. let your jeans skim your ass and fit your waist well enough that when you put a belt on, the material of the jeans is not bunching up or folded over. this is not a good look for anyone.

so your mission, you have no choice but to accept it, is if you have ill fitting pants, replace them. now. with something that fits. if you’re single i guarantee you will get more dates (or more second dates) and if you’re attached, your wife / girlfriend / boyfriend will thank you. then tell them to thank me.

and now we return to our regularly scheduled shopping.

skinners on sale

i understand not every guy is going to feel comfortable shopping – online even – at a gay store. but if you’re cool with that, then you can score yourself a pair of levi’s skinner jeans a pretty good price! kleptomaniac is clearing out 3 different finshes of skinners for as low as 80 bucks. but i’ll warn you, there’s a chance you may see ads with shirtless men or even for gay porn while buying some jeans. it’s not like they’re not going to toss in a free copy of the latest titan title with your order, so don’t sweat it. (or, if you’re here and queer, you can shed a little tear that you don’t get free porn with purchase.)

buy skinner rigid from kleptomaniac

buy skinner rigid light from kleptomaniac

buy skinner justic from kleptomaniac

also, i haven’t been able to find them on sale online yet, but if you have a g-star store near you, they’re having a sale on some old finishes, including a really nice dark wash, of the radar narrow jeans. they fall somewhere between a low boot cut and a low straight leg, so they’re not quite as good for everyone, but if you’re in decent shape, you might want to check ‘em out.

dark and twisted

i’m not sure how it’s possible that one type of jean can make so many guys look so good, but thanks to modern technology, human ingenuity or some other mysterious force, man has developed the low-rise slim boot-cut. seriously. if you aren’t severely overweight or a 4′6″ olympic weightlifter, there’s a mighty strong chance this cut is going to make you look good.

these particular low cut jeans have a low rise in front, but a slightly higher one in back, so it shows off your ass (even bubble butts) without making a scene. they makes your legs look buff without making it difficult to sit down, and they have style. seriously. it takes a certain guy to rock the straight legs and look cool. it’s much easier to look effortlessly good in a boot cut as long as it’s subtle.

now that summer’s over it’s time for darker heavier jeans again. not only do dark jeans work well for these cold dark times, they also look a bit dressier, so you can get away with wearing them more places. i’ve found 3 dark, dark pairs of the low slim boot for you to check out.

The Volcom Roadhouse is quite possibly the best cut the company makes. i kept trying to like the ergo but the rise is too high. the roadhouse’s legs are big enough for squatters or cycling enthusiasts without being so big that skinny guys swim in ‘em.

buy from dogfunk (do it yourself wash)

The Levi’s Skinner is just an expensive version of the roadhouse – but with one major difference, it comes in lengths. if you’re pretty short (like me) or tall, you’ll wind up paying about 3 times more for a pair of skinners, but unless you know a really good tailor, it might be worth the price.

buy from levi’s (worn unwashed)

The True Religion Joey is the capo di tutti cappi of the low slim boot. it takes the cut one step further by adding ergo-cut legs. instead of straight seams down the side, they actually twist as they go down (heh heh, i said go down) so the seams are at the front and back at the bottom of the leg. this makes jeans infinitely more comfortable to move in. it’s remarkable. although the ergo cut was pioneered by levi’s, true religion is the only brand still using it. and they charge a premium for it. well, actually they charge a premium for all their jeans, but in this case it’s worth it.

buy from true religion